I just returned from a trip to AZ, all by myself! For Christmas my husband gave me a trip to visit my family around my birthday without children. It was such a wonderful time to recharge. At first I felt some guilt at being there without them, but then I focused on making the most of it. I visited the temple, visited family and friends, enjoyed time with my parents, did some family history work, enjoyed sleeping in, and only having to clean up after myself.
I returned yesterday afternoon after making the long drive home. I had stayed the night in Cedar City to break up the drive and because there was a store, but I really had not slept well at the hotel. I was glad to be done driving, but not really ready to jump back into motherhood.
Rob had done a great job at tidying the house and doing laundry so that it was not overwhelming to come back to. Still, I had brought back quite a few things from AZ that cluttered the home and needed putting away along with jumping back in with two feet with meal prep, clean-up, laundry, and home-schooling. Why does it always take me longer to get back in my groove after a trip than I was even on the trip?
Today my day was productive. I had fed my children, done schooling, enjoyed reading books to the little ones, and done some cleaning up. But my home was still a mess and there were still things for me to sort through. Then I discovered that some how my laptop was reset while I was gone and everything lost. (Hopefully I can find out it is somewhere.) My spirit sunk and the messy house and needs of the children seemed to drag on me.
It was time to figure out what was for dinner and I hate cooking in a messy kitchen. I started to feel overwhelmed, when I decided, or perhaps was prompted, to sit down and read books with my two girls who were begging for more attention. So we sat down and read. It felt so go to stop thinking about what was for dinner and the anxiety that seemed to be coming with it. After reading about 3 books my mind seemed to clear up and I decided we were going to do leftovers. I decided that a happy wife was more important than a fresh dinner. So I focused on cleaning off the table and some more counterspace. I warmed up leftover rice, corn, taco meat, and sausage. The kids loved it and even though we had no vegetable, everyone was happy.
Clean up was easy and I was able to attack a few more things to that needed sorted. I was able to put more energy into our bedtime routine and have the peace I needed. I will get to the rest of the clean-up tomorrow. And if not, Friday will come and we do a deep cleaning on those days.
How grateful I am for the spirit who helped me to clear my mind and not feed the anxiety.
Wednesday, February 21, 2018
Tuesday, February 6, 2018
Fear in the Night - Prayer in the Night
Do you ever wake up in the night and find your mind filled with fear about something you can do nothing about or something that most likely isn't real? I do.
Last night I woke up and had to use the bathroom. I got up and when I opened the door to leave my bedroom I thought I smelled gas! We have a natural gas fireplace that heats our home, and even thought we have natural gas detectors in the home, I still always fear that something will happen. So I walked around the house smelling it to see if it was my mind or real. (This has happened to me before, and it was nothing.)
I then went to check on my baby. The night before she had been crabby and up a lot. Tonight she was sleeping soundly again and I started to worry that if she had struggled to breath I did not hear her! But if she was sleeping well, I did not want to wake her up by checking on her, so I decided to leave her be.
After using the bathroom I went back to my room and crawled in bed. My mind was racing and I was worried. I was so tired and wanted to sleep, I needed to sleep! I knew that if I kept entertaining the thoughts in my mind I would never fall back to sleep, speaking from experience. I also knew that fear was probably driving my thoughts. So I said a silent prayer, asking Heavenly Father to help me to either go to sleep if there was no need to fear, or to be prompted to get up and act if the need was really there. The fear left me as I worked to replace it with faith! I fell asleep so quickly and when I woke in the morning everything was just fine.
Too often I worry about unnecessary things. I waste my energy on this fear or worry, which takes it away from areas of real importance. I learned a valuable lesson last night, to turn to my Father in Heaven for direction, especially when I find myself afraid. Hopefully I can be more quick to turn to prayer in all matters of my daily life so I can put my energy in those things that matter most.
Last night I woke up and had to use the bathroom. I got up and when I opened the door to leave my bedroom I thought I smelled gas! We have a natural gas fireplace that heats our home, and even thought we have natural gas detectors in the home, I still always fear that something will happen. So I walked around the house smelling it to see if it was my mind or real. (This has happened to me before, and it was nothing.)
I then went to check on my baby. The night before she had been crabby and up a lot. Tonight she was sleeping soundly again and I started to worry that if she had struggled to breath I did not hear her! But if she was sleeping well, I did not want to wake her up by checking on her, so I decided to leave her be.
After using the bathroom I went back to my room and crawled in bed. My mind was racing and I was worried. I was so tired and wanted to sleep, I needed to sleep! I knew that if I kept entertaining the thoughts in my mind I would never fall back to sleep, speaking from experience. I also knew that fear was probably driving my thoughts. So I said a silent prayer, asking Heavenly Father to help me to either go to sleep if there was no need to fear, or to be prompted to get up and act if the need was really there. The fear left me as I worked to replace it with faith! I fell asleep so quickly and when I woke in the morning everything was just fine.
Too often I worry about unnecessary things. I waste my energy on this fear or worry, which takes it away from areas of real importance. I learned a valuable lesson last night, to turn to my Father in Heaven for direction, especially when I find myself afraid. Hopefully I can be more quick to turn to prayer in all matters of my daily life so I can put my energy in those things that matter most.
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